“Surrendering is accepting, trusting the universe. Trusting the truth. Accepting what is that that brings us to this moment in life. It’s a grander plan. We are so small in the grand scheme of things.”
“Be mindful of when your focus shifts on him and bring it back to you and the good things around you.”
“Make your own decisions and walk your own path. Don’t rush things, don’t think negative thoughts. Focus.”
“There is no right or wrong way, its all about the choice. And don’t ever forget that you and only you have all the answers to your questions. Your friends, family and counsellors can give you just their own opinions, their own perspectives, but you always have to check in with yourself, thats where you will find everything you need.”
The past month as been about… getting back into feeling human again. What makes me feel good (yoga, keeping busy, making plans with new friends) and knowing what to avoid (not sleeping enough, not eating right, too much caffeine or alcohol).
I ran for the first time in a while today, and it’s no surprise, I still hate running. I want to add it in just as an option if I can’t make it to a yoga class, because it’s so simple to do. I don’t have an excuse not to do it… My backdrop alone makes it inexcusable. I had mixed emotions once I finished my lap across the beach – which was disappointing, because I was hoping for the endorphin rush but it was nowhere to be found.
It’s all the little things. Maybe the run didn’t help, but the little things later in the day did. I found a cafe near my place that used unsweetened almond milk (so rare), and I saw a quote that helped me through the disgruntling feeling that was rearing its ugly head all morning. You have to appreciate the little wins, and trust that life balances everything out.
“Vulnerability is scary, but pure.
In it you can find bravery”
– Raquel Franco
I went on a walk this Anzac day with a friend and quite a random group of humans. In that group I had a good chat with one of the guys who organised the walk. After some stimulating conversation about technology, what I do for work, what he does for work, we eventually got to the topic of how I ended up in Sydney.
It’s still a little fresh to be telling new people about the break up. Not particularly because it’s hard for me, but rather the other way around – some people are just not ready for the intensity and weight of a conversation about the end of long term relationships, and that’s ok. I’m getting better at sensing if the other person is ready for it, but it still takes practice.
It was a gift from the universe that he was completely comfortable with this information about my situation, and actually ended up sharing the extensive history of his relationship with his wife, and with himself. In summary they had challenges of being ready for each other at the beginning of their relationship. They both had different needs and goals that required time and focus on themselves, which required the whole of their attention. He shared a lot of thoughts about how he grew as a person in that time, and it gave me hope that I will come out of this understanding myself just as well as he did in his reflection.
It seemed to me that the takeaway was about being patient, allowing yourself to have the time, the space – for personal growth and personal development. In the end it will be rewarding for both people, regardless of ending up together or not. I have no words to describe what it was like for me, or to describe the sheer intensity of the last month. The changes and shifts in my mindset and outlook have been so overwhelming that every so often I feel like I can’t keep up with myself.
I also have another friend, whose advice I also keep going back to. It is the same, just given to me in a different manner. It is all about time, and all about space. The difficult part of the advice, which I need to practice each and every day, is focus. It is so easy for the mind to wander and think of the worst. So I keep up my practice. Reframe. Focus.