I went on a walk this Anzac day with a friend and quite a random group of humans. In that group I had a good chat with one of the guys who organised the walk. After some stimulating conversation about technology, what I do for work, what he does for work, we eventually got to the topic of how I ended up in Sydney.
It’s still a little fresh to be telling new people about the break up. Not particularly because it’s hard for me, but rather the other way around – some people are just not ready for the intensity and weight of a conversation about the end of long term relationships, and that’s ok. I’m getting better at sensing if the other person is ready for it, but it still takes practice.
I was so happy that he was completely comfortable with this topic, and actually ended up sharing with me the extensive history of his relationship with his wife, and with himself. In summary they had challenges of being ready for each other at the beginning of their relationship. They both had different needs and goals that required time and focus on themselves, which required the whole of their attention. He shared a lot of thoughts about how he grew as a person in that time, and it gave me hope that I will come out of this understanding myself just as well as he did in his reflection.
It seemed to me that the takeaway was about being patient, allowing yourself to have the time, the space – for personal growth and personal development. In the end it will be rewarding for both people, regardless of ending up together or not. I have no words to describe what it was like for me, or to describe the sheer intensity of the last month. The changes and shifts in my mindset and outlook have been so overwhelming that every so often I feel like I can’t keep up with myself.
I also have another friend, whose advice I also keep going back to. It is the same, just given to me in a different manner. It is all about time, and all about space. The difficult part of the advice, which I need to practice each and every day, is focus. It is so easy for the mind to wander and think of the worst. So I keep up my practice. Reframe. Focus.